So Seven.

Almost a year ago, I wrote my thoughts about Orlando approaching the age of seven, and about how humans grow in cycles, and from within a matrix. Of how the age of seven is when children begin to use the world as their matrix (having moved away from their mother as matrix).

{Read that post here.}

And now, now, he's actually seven.

Full-on.

He's been prone to tears — leaving the room and telling us "It's not fair!" He's been accusing us of loving Mica more. In the car today, he said, "Mama, this is how it goes: a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, and a year."

And as usual, that series of books by Ames and Ilg, Your X-Year-Old*, freak me out with their precision, practically down to the words my children say.

{I'll never forget when I read Your Four-Year-Old and found something verbatim that Orlando had previously said to me. The words were something like, "I will cut you up and put you in the garbage!"}

So now, from Your Seven-Year-Old:

In addition to having many worries and fears, the child of this age often feels that he has all the bad luck. As one girl expressed it, "Why do I always have the bad luck? Why do things so often happen to me? I might as well be dead." The bad luck in this case was that it was time for her to go to bed.

The seven-year-old also tends to feel strongly that parents like brothers and sisters better than they like him and that they do more for others in the family than they do for him.

... Tears come easily, although the child may try to hold them back, because he is embarrassed to cry in front of other people. Also, Seven is easily disappointed. Things so often do not turn out as expected. If things go wrong at play, he is likely to leave the group, mumbling to himself, "I'm quitting." At home a Seven-year-old boy rushes to his room and slams the door. ..

To some extent, Seven lives in a world of thought and loves to think things through. Just as his hands are busy touching, exploring, feeling everything with which he comes into contact, so his mind is busy observing, reflecting. He takes in infinitely more than he gives out, and his thought processes are probably much more intense than they may appear to be on the surface. He may even talk to himself in front of the mirror. It is as though the child of this age were trying to define himself, and he does this in part by watching the outside world and then thinking over the things he has observed.

... Interest in space may be related to the child's own personal space, either at home or in the world. Seven likes to locate things, especially himself, and wants to know where he stands. His interest in time maybe also be quite personal. Most Sevens can tell time and may like to plan their own days. Sevens are aware of the passage of time as one event follows another.

Imagine us, me and Orlando, together, here, in this space-time bubble that is somehow both our own individual reality and universally true:

In fact, things tend to be very companionable between [mother and child]. Seven likes to use the word we to refer to Mother and self and enjoys it when they do things together...

And a reminder for me:

Seven can be a delightful age if the adult is willing to accept the child's feelings and sensitivities, frequent brooding, and sulking, moodiness, as well as the more pleasant aspects of this quiet, withdrawn age.

It is amazing to think, to remember, that this child, this person I know as Orlando, is going through the continual process of growing — such intense growth! — all the time, right here in front of my eyes.

I remember to delight in it, because it is delightful.

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* A Little Disclaimer: These books are a product of their time and culture (United States, 1970s and 80s). Some things they list as "normal" could be universal across cultures though I think many are unique to our own cultural attitudes toward and treatment of children. So, I always keep that in mind when I am reading... How is what they are saying revealing certain beliefs and relationships in our culture back then? Do those beliefs or patterns still exist today? In our family? 

Also — this is important — I disregard their discipline advice and would never recommend the books based on that information. 

And, as they say themselves, they are sharing generalizations and approximations based on researching thousands of children. Each child is unique and on their own path, time-wise and otherwise, so I tend to look only for things that give me greater insight into Orlando and Mica's experiences and gently refuse to use the book as a way to see how they "measure up."

All that said, I really enjoy the books and have been reading them for the last seven years. :-)