So, how are you feeling? And why?

All day yesterday, I did my homework.

The homework was for my 30-day intensive nonviolent communication class, and yesterday's assignment was to keep a "needs-met" trigger journal. I wrote down the trigger (an event or thought), how I felt while it was happening, and the needs of mine that were met.

Here are some of them...

meditating
feelings: unsettled, aware
needs met: nourishment, quiet

Rom being with the kids while I worked
feelings: grateful
needs met: support

me and Mica sliding down the stairs on our bottoms
feelings: happy
needs met: fun, connection

lying on top of Rom while he rested on the couch
feelings: cozy
needs met: physical connection, intimacy

just me eating at the table with the sun shining
feelings: surprised, content
needs met: relaxation

helping myself calm down at the checkout stand in the grocery store while the kids went bonkos by noticing my feelings (overwhelm) and my breath
feelings: focused
needs met: self-connection, calm

Mica saying “I like to feel the cool wind” (while we were driving home from the store)
feelings: alive, inspired, happy
needs met: beauty, connection with nature

seeing people out walking… the woman with the huge visor, people and their dogs, couples looking smartly dressed and holding hands…
feelings: happy, touched
needs met: being in the flow, connection with life

playing Wildcraft (a board game) with Orlando and Rom while Mica napped
feelings: cheerful, involved, comfortable, amused
needs met: joy, humor, fun, goofiness, togetherness, cooperation

seeing Orlando’s pink socks
feelings: happy
needs met: freedom

petting Felipe (our cat) while we played the game
feelings: alert
needs met: nurturing, connection

having nothing scheduled
feelings: relaxed, content
needs met: flow, ease, possibility, listening, self-connection

While doing the journal yesterday, I felt grounded and centered, and sort of surprised and pleased, too. My needs for awareness and appreciation were definitely met!

I would say that the needs-met journal was a chance to access gratitude in the mundane. I've also been idly asking myself what needs I might be meeting while doing certain activities throughout the day, and doing that meets my needs for relaxation, clarity, and meaning.

There is also a needs-not-met journal — same idea but with the events triggering emotions like sadness, overwhelm or anger. We did that one last week. I would say that the needs-not-met journal helped me to not get caught up in the emotion and kept me from expressing myself forcefully or suppressing the issue.

I could feel how clarifying my needs brought relief and paved the way for making external changes, but mostly I felt it gave me a chance to just be with whatever was. The point, for me, isn't to turn everything into sunshine. It's to bring awareness to whatever is happening.

For both types of journals, each entry was like a little mini-mindfulness session: an exercise in allowing an emotion to come forth without acting on it (not yet).

~ Do you have patience to wait till your
mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving till the
right action arises by itself? ~
— Lao Tzu

If you want to do your own journal, here is a list of feelings and a list of needs. You can also compile your own lists.

Blessings,
Stacy

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To learn more about nonviolent communication, visit:

Holly Eckert (nonviolent communication trainer)
Northwest Compassionate Communication
The Center for Nonviolent Communication
NVC Academy