Another Other Mother
>> Sunday, November 08, 2009
Almost two years ago, Orlando and I attended a family clay class on Saturday afternoons. There was another mother in the class who consistently berated, belittled, and barked at her young son within earshot of everyone in the class. I wrote an essay called “The Other Mother” that follows my experiences in-class and explores how, long after the class has ended, I am still coming to terms with understanding compassion and intervention in public places (and within myself).
The very beginnings of the essay appeared here on my blog way back when, and the first version was published in Brain, Child magazine last summer. Unfortunately, it wasn't available online, but Portland Family Magazine has reprinted it this month, and now you can click right on over and read it!
Here: The Other Mother.
And if you've found this blog via the article — Welcome!
(the image is via Portland Family Magazine)
6 comments:
I love this - brilliantly timed post (for me) - I have a very energetic , creative and independant three year old and I am trying to be very aware of how I react to her both at home and when we are partaking in activities - thank you .
Stacy, thank you so much for writing this article. I've been on both sides of this situation and they're both painful. I've seen people "training" their dogs at the beach in ways that are blatantly cruel, and people "disciplining" their children in ways that will scar them for life. It was my fear that I had that potential in me, my fear that one day I would do or say something truly damaging to my son, that drove me to meditate, and continues to help me be mindful of my speech and actions. Some days I feel more successful and centered than others, and as time goes by I get better at it. But I must say, on those days when I was overwhelmed and alone, and wished someone would help me, and someone did, I was truly, deeply grateful.
I am so grateful for this article. You really nailed it on so many levels.
It reminds me of a story I heard about Thich Nhat Hanh. He saw many innocent people, women and children raped and murdered in his country when he was young. When people asked him how to make peace with that; how to forgive those people who do the hurting he answered something to the effect,
**I am that pirate who murdered and pillaged and raped. There is no separation from me to him.**
(I am grossly paraphrasing a very old memory of a story I heard at Plum Village over 10 years ago, lol.)
Thank you so much for your wise words.
Beautiful. Thank you for this, Stacy. This also helped me. I'm sure most mothers can see themselves in this article.
Stacy, This was wonderful, personally one of my favorite pieces ever that I have read of yours. I have been on both sides of this also, and you navigated these waters insightfully. Currently I have a mother just like this in my daughter's dance class - our daughters are in the class, not with us, but her and her teenage son are in the waiting room with me and my other two, and it often seems like he, and her daughter on the video monitor, cannot possibly do anything right in her eyes. And she is expecting another, soon. I have been struggling with how to handle the situation, finding myself avoiding her. But you are so right that there is another choice, that I could help her feel connected at this stressful time, and who knows what that might mean to her? Thank you for opening this thought up in me...
So well put Stacy. A great reminder that we are the other mother and that we all go through the same challenges and live this experience on both sides.
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